


Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

by wildfrancium



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Drug Use, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Trauma, characters are 18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 04:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18275333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildfrancium/pseuds/wildfrancium
Summary: Ben has just died and Klaus is bad at processing all of it.





	Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

**Author's Note:**

> The panic attack might be intense for some people so be warned. 
> 
> I'm 90% sure I'll write more for this but I'm not quite sure what direction to take it yet.
> 
> Enjoy!

Of course it wasn’t raining. People died on beautifully bright days when the temperature was perfect and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. 

People died in the middle of winter in unforgiving conditions and a layer of freeze. 

People died at sunrise, at sunset, at noon, and midnight. 

And some died under fat gray clouds as they drowned the world. 

But not this time. It wasn’t raining. It hadn’t rained in days and it wasn’t supposed to.

He died and he’d be buried in the heat of summer under a thankless orb in the sky that mixed sweat with tears. 

 

His shirt stuck to his back. The day hot even in a shaded alley. 

Klaus had his eyes closed and his head tucked to his chest as he waited for his system to reboot; the new pills thrumming to life inside himself. 

“We’ve barely seen you in the last four months,” someone said. Klaus squeezed his eyes shut tighter and covered his ears with his hands. He’d only just heard before collapsing in the alley to hopefully get high enough to escape before… this.

“The fact that you see me now is rather concerning,” he said without opening his eyes. 

Klaus let out a slow breath in the silence and opened his eyes to look at the feet of his second shadow. He wasn’t going away. 

“No, no, no,” Klaus groaned shutting his eyes again and hitting his head against the brick behind him. “Why won’t you go away?” he moaned pressing his palms to his eyes. 

Four months of brilliant silence was now interrupted in the worst way possible. His own demons had been shut in a closet with everyone elses. 

And now one wouldn’t go away.

“Where am I supposed to go?” he asked and Klaus groaned. 

“Shut up!” he snapped. “Shut up!” he turned to face the mouth of the alley, rolling to his knees and getting up without looking at his second shadow. “I need more,” Klaus said to noone in particular, but his shadow and his second one followed him. 

He was there, in the corner of Klaus’s vision looking no different than he normally did. If Klaus didn’t know better he’d be convinced he’d finally lost it.

“How do you get stuff? We assumed you took stuff when you came home, but does that last?” he asked and Klaus ignored him, feeling like his heart was beating too loud and too fast. Signs of an impending panic attack. 

Drugs dulled them, but living with constant panic attacks had him recognizing the signs through the cotton in his head. 

“I’m going to puke,” he said out loud before doubling over and vomiting at his feet. 

When he finished he remained bent over. The feet were in front of him again and he couldn’t stop the giggles that bubbled up out of him. 

He kept laughing, rubbing grimy hands over his face and through his hair as he pulled himself up to laugh in Ben’s face. 

“You’re fucking dead,” Klaus laughed with a groan as he dragged his palms over his eyes. “Leave me alone,” he added miserably. But Ben didn’t even flicker. 

“They said no and pushed me at you,” he said and Klaus barked another laugh.

“What the fuck,” he said and moved to step around Ben. Ben followed. “I said go the fuck away!” Klaus snapped, swatting at him. 

“That’s your job I thought,” Ben said and Klaus laughed, pulling at his hair.

“I’m so glad you came with a lecture!” Klaus laughed bitterly. “But I’m on my way to get rid of you, so don’t get comfortable,” he added, turning down another alley. Luckily, the living seemed to be following the rules that day and they were all sat in their usual spots.

Money. Pills. Trade some pills for alcohol. Wash, rinse, repeat. 

“Where are we?” Ben asked and Klaus gave him a half shrug as he drank. “Would you stop that?!” he snapped and Klaus turned his head up to fully look at him, squinting in the sunlight. 

“So sorry about the expiration,  _ brother, _ ” he said and took another gulp. “I’m trying to ease my sorrow,” he added and went back to looking at the wall.

“Why do you do it? Everyone had their ideas, but I want to hear it from you,” Ben said. Klaus ran a finger along the edges of the bricks in the wall in front of him. 

“Just believe what dear old dad says. That’s what we all do anyway,” Klaus said sadly. He pressed his face against the wall. “Go away. I don’t want to talk to you anymore,” he said softly. 

He was met with silence. 

Klaus cracked an eye open but Ben was just sitting next to him watching him.

Klaus frowned. 

“Look is it about the bed wetting thing? Because I promised I’d help and… I’m sure someone else would.”

Klaus snorted. “Wow, I’d like whatever you are on that makes you believe anyone in that house gives an actual shit.”

“Klaus…”

“All of this makes me free. I sleep peacefully now. It’s nice and quiet,” Klaus said leaning back to finish the bottle. “Except you’re ruining it.” He turned to Ben. “Unless I have actually lost it. That’d be fun. I think?” 

Klaus got to his feet, tipping sideways and then stumbling forward. Ben followed. 

“Where are you going now?”

“What was it like? To die.” Klaus asked nearly tripping over his feet as he meandered down the sidewalk. 

“I don’t remember. I was just somewhere else and the people there just sighed and pointed to a door. I was in the woods and there was just a door and when I went through I was at your feet. No one told me I was dead, but I just kind of knew?”

“Must be great,” Klaus said with sarcasm lacing his words. “I can’t even get close,” he muttered. 

“Klaus shut up,” Ben said and Klaus laughed. 

“There’s the brother dearest I remember,” he said turning to face Ben. 

“You’re throwing everything away,” he said and Klaus rolled his eyes.

“Again with the lecture! And there’s nothing to throw away when I was useless to begin with,” Klaus said pulling at his hair. Ben was making his head hurt. Nothing else had shown up, but he felt like he was on the down after a binge with Ben right behind him.

He felt like he was crashing and this time his heartbeat ramping up did alarm him. 

He felt the icy hooks of panic dig into him and stop him dead in his tracks. “No, no, no,” he whined falling to his knees and curling into a ball. 

Ben was shouting at him and no matter how tightly he shut his eyes or how hard he plugged his ears, he could hear his brother. 

His dead brother. 

There were other people now. Real alive voices and alive hands touching while he curled in on himself hoping to disappear as the fear and sadness choked him alive. It strangled him until breathing was difficult and when the world started to go fuzzy, that’s when the beasts lurking in the deep dark depths started pushing him back to the surface. 

Klaus screamed, wanting to get away from them. He screamed until he was back on the surface with alcohol sloshing in him and drugs running in his veins. 

He looked up at Ben. 

“You’re dead,” he sobbed. “You’re dead and you won’t go away.”

“I know Klaus,” Ben said softly. “I know.”

“I just want it all to go away,” Klaus whispered reaching up and watching his hand pass right through Ben. 

Klaus shut his eyes and curled into a ball again. He tried to block it all out. He heard sirens in the distance coming to drag him away. Clean his pathetic smudge off the sidewalk. 

Ben was saying something but Klaus shook his head. 

There was only one person who had ever given Klaus a flashlight even though it wasn’t allowed on after lights out. 

There was only one person who’d helped Klaus with his bedding after their father forbid mom from helping. 

And Klaus couldn’t help him. 

He was already gone and could only sit with Klaus while he let the agony tear him apart.


End file.
